5 Year Old Behaviour Problems

Behavioural issues in 5-year-old child.

Your child has turned or will soon be 5 years old, and suddenly you have started to notice strange behavioural problems. Your child gets angry very easily, he doesn’t want to share his toys with siblings, you try to discipline him, but he doesn’t care, or usually wouldn’t listen to what you want him to do. If you are going through such a phase, then you should know that you are not alone. Although every kid is different from the other but trust me almost all parents go through this phase of their child’s life where the kid becomes stubborn, doesn’t want to listen, and gets angry when you discipline them.

As a parent, it is understandable that the situation is sometimes very frustrating and saddening, because the once good obedient little baby has now become an angry young man and you cannot figure out how to deal with it.

What causes such behaviour?

I believe that a kid’s personality is like a blank canvas from the beginning, and as he lives through days, months and years, this canvas is being painted with habits, needs, emotions etc. and as a parent we have the major part in painting their personalities. It is important to get familiar with the underlying causes of your child’s changed behaviour;

1.       Your child is growing. Yes! He is GROWING and he has different needs now. He has evolved through the phase of just being fed, having a good nap and a changed diaper. Now his emotions are developing, he likes to do things by himself, he has a developed sense of possessiveness and THINKS that he is big now.

2.       If You as a parent, most of the time show anger on small things then your painting your child’s personality canvas with anger and he thinks that being angry on little things is just a normal behaviour.  

3.       Your child has now certain likes and dislikes now just like any other individual, so if you, as a parent are not in anyway respecting his likes and dislikes and only want to impose your own will then you’re making your child frustrated and ultimately angry.

4.       At this age, particularly when kids are ready to start elementary school, they have a developed sense of looking up to others and being jealous at the same time. If your child goes to school and sees his friend wearing the spiderman-shoes that he wanted but doesn’t have. It makes him angry. The emotion of being jealous is a very common factor in this age to create anger.

5.       It can also happen that your child is curious, and you have not given him enough time to answer his curious questions and that can lead to frustration because he wanted to know about something but you did not pay heed.

6.       Another thing that I have experienced is that whenever my 5 year old was hungry, or did not have his favourite meal, or was not full in the stomach, he would behave in a certain (not too good) way the whole day.

7.       Too much screen time and addiction to games can also cause such behaviour in growing kids and obviously it is true to my experience.

Some tips to deal with it:

Talk, and talk

The number one thing you can do to deal with a situation like that is you can talk to your child. Take some time out to communicate and to understand what your child thinks made him angry or sad about and to tell him what you expect him to be like. It may take some time in the beginning but the better communication bond you will have with your kid, the better his behaviour will get and he wouldn’t be shy to ask you or tell you things that he wants to.

Be a role model

You know, being a parent is not about just being responsible for the bread and butter of your child, it is about building a person. Kids this age look up to and imitate to behaviours. If you are an angry parent and are always imposing your wishes angrily on your child, then he would think that being angry is a normal behaviour. It is alright to lose it once in a while, because of course you are also a human and you can make mistakes, but you should always apologise for your behaviour, this way your child will also learn to apologise and behave.

Make bargain

Sometimes when your kid wants to play on his Ipad, but you want him to do something else and he is not listening, you can make a healthy bargain. Like, alright we can play with ipad for about 20 minutes and then you’ll have to do this. Making small healthy bargains has helped me a lot with dealing my son’s anger. But obviously this cannot be done in every case. For example, if your kid wants to eat too many candies, then certainly you are not going to make a bargain in this matter. In that case you need to discipline him otherwise by telling what’s not good for him.

Make strict rules

Make it clear and obvious that no aggression or throwing things should be done in the house. Like I said, being a behavioural role model is very important at this point of time. So, you should also not resort to yelling, spanking and throwing things and meanwhile making it clear to your child that if they do such things, they will have to face some consequence. Like nip it in the bud they say.

Keep calm

It is important that you keep yourself calm and patient in such a situation. If your son is showing anger and in return you also get angry, then this will only aggravate the frustration on both sides. On the contrary, if you show concern, care, and compassion, half the frustration will be gone already.

In the end I would emphasise on the fact that raising well-behaved kids is not a miracle that just happens overnight. It goes like a roller-coaster, you learn, you implement, you test and try. But giving up on your kid and thinking that you will never be able to fix the problem, is a problem in itself. Always be calm and patient with your child. He might be very emotional but know that he is not emotionally intelligent at this point. You are the bigger one and you must take lead on things will love, patience and intelligence.